I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
