xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
