the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
