Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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