You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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