Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
