Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
