He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
