my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
