You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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