sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
