Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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