"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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