I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
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