I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
