is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
