she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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