The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
