ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
