and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
