Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
