Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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