On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
