dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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