Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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