i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
