my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
