hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
