My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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