Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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