Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
