1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
