I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
