FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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