you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
