When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
