Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
