you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
