oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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