He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
