So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize