i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
