Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
