If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
