Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
