i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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