she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
