What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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