and next time when you feel me up, do it right
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
