I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
