i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
