you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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