he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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